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Nicely done. First lines are important. It is the first line that pulls most readers in to the story. Charles dickens certainly knew how to write a first line. The same is true of Herman Melville. You appear to have the same gift.

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Shain E. Thomas
Shain E. Thomas

Written by Shain E. Thomas

With an M.Sc. from the University of North Texas, I’m a freelance journalist and a social historian. #APStylebook #BBCStyleGuide http://shainethomas.com/

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